Book Club: Getting Real

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Dear Book Club Jan 2023 Cohort,

Happy New Year! I hope that you had the holiday season you wanted. For some of us, we will need a break from the ‘break’. And for others, January is a time to get back into the busyness of life. I invite you to think about our book club as an investment in you, your relationships, and the future of your authentic life.

I am so excited to work with you over the next 12 sessions/24 weeks as we put into practice what we learned last year about triggers, unprocessed wounds, and intergenerational trauma. I have learned so much with you and I am thrilled to have the opportunity to continue this work with you.

THE BOOK

We will be reading the book “Getting Real: The 10 Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life” by Dr. Susan Campbell together. You can order the book from her site, paperback version or ebook. This book is designed to be an ‘easier’ read. It’s not about learning content or understanding new concepts. You have done so much work and know a lot already! This book and the book club is about implementing what we have learned and integrating it into the way we manage our lives knowing that we can become triggered by our past wounds. The HOW!

THE DATES AND ZOOM LINK

We are continuing to Do the Work through a Book Club modality: weekly meetings of 2 hours with group coaching and peer support. The program consists of 12 sessions every two weeks. We start on January 24/25. The last date is June 13/14. (When there is a time change in North America to Daylight Savings on March 12, 2023, we will be sticking with the Singapore Time of 9:30 am to 11:30 am.)

The Zoom link will be the same one each time: https://zoom.us/j/8194298973

THE PAYMENT

The fee for this program is C$240. This introductory fee does not quite cover the cost of my time, but I’m doing this because it is the first run and I hope that you forgive me as I develop and streamline the backend operations. You can pay via credit card using this link.

THE HOMEWORK

You all know me and know that I’m not a fan of homework when I know you are feeling overwhelmed. Plus, this isn’t a course where I have to certify that you have covered certain topics or have developed specific competencies. However, this IS a program to practice a number of truth skills that will help us live an authentic life. That means it takes practice and reflection. So, I AM going to ask you to consider jotting down some notes from time to time when you notice what is going on in your mind and in your body. I’d like to suggest that you download the free version of the Day One App on your mobile phone.

THE STRUCTURE

Week 1

  • Pre-Session Work: Please read the Introduction and Chapter 1: How to Stop Being Right and Start Being Real. Do the Self-Assessment Quiz.
  • Grounding and Check in: How have you been these past two weeks?
  • Peer Support: 5-min speaking, 2-min reflection from listener, 1-min transition -> SWAP, Question: “What are the most important relationships in your life? Why? Are you satisfied with the way they are now? Why or why not?”
  • BREAK
  • Group Share: Read aloud a sentence you underlined/highlighted and share why it speaks to you. OR Share your thoughts about the score of your quiz.
  • Sharing Wins or Learning Opportunities: What is something that used to be a big bad trigger that feels different now? OR Share about a trigger you recently had that you might want to handle a bit differently in the future.
  • Post-work: Reflection in your journal about the question “Are there relationships I have where I want to be more authentic? What could be different about the relationship?”

Week 2

  • Pre-Session Work: Please read Chapter 2: Experiencing What Is. Do the Self-Assessment Quiz.
  • Grounding and Check in: How have you been these past two weeks?
  • Peer Support: 5-min speaking, 2-min reflection from listener, 1-min transition -> SWAP, Question: “Share an example of where your expectation about your child is very different from the reality. Explore the gap between what is and what you wish it to be.” OR Share your thoughts about the score of your quiz.
  • BREAK
  • Group Share: Read aloud a sentence you underlined/highlighted and share why it speaks to you.
  • Sharing Wins or Learning Opportunities: What is something that used to be a big bad trigger that feels different now? OR Share about a trigger you recently had that you might want to handle a bit differently in the future.
  • Post-work: Reflection in your journal about the question “Do you have a button (belief gone mad)?” AND/OR Reflect on what happened when you sat with a gap between what is and what you really wished for.

Week 3

  • Pre-Session Work: Please read Chapter 3: Being Transparent. Do the Self-Assessment Quiz.
  • Grounding and Check in: How have you been these past two weeks?
  • Peer Support: 5-min speaking, 2-min reflection from listener, 1-min transition -> SWAP, Question: “Share a taboo thought you’ve had and what might be the fear that stopped you in the past from expressing this thought.” OR Share your thoughts about the score of your quiz.
  • BREAK
  • Group Share: Read aloud a sentence you underlined/highlighted and share why it speaks to you.
  • Sharing Wins or Learning Opportunities: What is something that used to be a big bad trigger that feels different now? OR Share about a trigger you recently had that you might want to handle a bit differently in the future.
  • Post-work: Reflection in your journal about when you feel judgment about someone else or yourself.

Week 4

  • Pre-Session Work: Please read Chapter 4: Noticing Your Intent. Do the Self-Assessment Quiz.
  • Grounding and Check in: How have you been these past two weeks?
  • Peer Support: 5-min speaking, 2-min reflection from listener, 1-min transition -> SWAP, Question: “What is the difference between communicating with your kids to relate versus to control?” OR Share your thoughts about the score of your quiz.
  • BREAK
  • Group Share: Read aloud a sentence you underlined/highlighted and share why it speaks to you.
  • Sharing Wins or Learning Opportunities: What is something that used to be a big bad trigger that feels different now? OR Share about a trigger you recently had that you might want to handle a bit differently in the future.
  • Post-work: Reflection in your journal about times when observe yourself communicating to control. Try to observe without judgment. What are the thoughts going through your mind? How are you feeling? What are the sensations in your body?

Week 5

  • Pre-Session Work: Please read Chapter 5: Welcoming Feedback. Do the Self-Assessment Quiz.
  • Grounding and Check in: How have you been these past two weeks?
  • Peer Support: 5-min speaking, 2-min reflection from listener, 1-min transition -> SWAP, Question: “How you feel when someone tells you something that feels like a criticism about your parenting?” OR Share your thoughts about the score of your quiz.
  • BREAK
  • Group Share: Read aloud a sentence you underlined/highlighted and share why it speaks to you.
  • Sharing Wins or Learning Opportunities: What is something that used to be a big bad trigger that feels different now? OR Share about a trigger you recently had that you might want to handle a bit differently in the future.
  • Post-work: Reflection in your journal about what it feels like to receive feedback from people about yourself. Do you ever hear feedback about yourself in your head? Where might they be coming from?

Week 6

  • Pre-Session Work: Please read Chapter 6: Asserting What You Want and What You Don’t Want. Do the Self-Assessment Quiz.
  • Grounding and Check in: How have you been these past two weeks?
  • Peer Support: 5-min speaking, 2-min reflection from listener, 1-min transition -> SWAP, Practice Saying No Exercise. Partner A will spend their speaking time trying to get Partner B say yes, but Partner B is just going to keep saying no. Partner A: be persuasive! Partner B: Just say no.
  • BREAK
  • Group Share: Read aloud a sentence you underlined/highlighted and share why it speaks to you.
  • Sharing Wins or Learning Opportunities: What is something that used to be a big bad trigger that feels different now? OR Share about a trigger you recently had that you might want to handle a bit differently in the future.
  • Post-work: Reflection in your journal about what it might feel like to just not take any reaction from anyone personally.

Week 7

  • Pre-Session Work: Please read Chapter 7: Taking Back Projections. Do the Self-Assessment Quiz.
  • Grounding and Check in: How have you been these past two weeks?
  • Peer Support: 5-min speaking, 2-min reflection from listener, 1-min transition -> SWAP, Question: What is something your child does that you are repeatedly triggered by? Are you aware of any narrative, assumption or belief you are projecting?
  • BREAK
  • Group Share: Read aloud a sentence you underlined/highlighted and share why it speaks to you.
  • Sharing Wins or Learning Opportunities: What is something that used to be a big bad trigger that feels different now? OR Share about a trigger you recently had that you might want to handle a bit differently in the future.
  • Post-work: Reflection in your journal about what it might feel like to just not take any reaction from anyone personally.

Week 8

  • Pre-Session Work: Please read Chapter 8: It’s Okay to Go Out and Come In Again. Do the Self-Assessment Quiz.
  • Grounding and Check in: How have you been these past two weeks?
  • Peer Support: 5-min speaking, 2-min reflection from listener, 1-min transition -> SWAP, Question: Is there a recent situation where you were wrong during an interaction with partner or children? How did you feel? What did you do?
  • BREAK
  • Group Share: Read aloud a sentence you underlined/highlighted and share why it speaks to you.
  • Sharing Wins or Learning Opportunities: What is something that used to be a big bad trigger that feels different now? OR Share about a trigger you recently had that you might want to handle a bit differently in the future.
  • Post-work: If allowed yourself to go back and revise, does that make it easier to be okay with making a ‘mistake’?

Week 9

  • Pre-Session Work: Please read Chapter 9: Holding Differences. Do the Self-Assessment Quiz.
  • Grounding and Check in: How have you been these past two weeks?
  • Peer Support: 5-min speaking, 2-min reflection from listener, 1-min transition -> SWAP, Describe a situation where you have a very different perspective than another person. How do you handle it? What if it’s a recurring argument?
  • BREAK
  • Group Share: Read aloud a sentence you underlined/highlighted and share why it speaks to you.
  • Sharing Wins or Learning Opportunities: What is something that used to be a big bad trigger that feels different now? OR Share about a trigger you recently had that you might want to handle a bit differently in the future.
  • Post-work: See if you can journal about holding differences in viewpoints or desires.

Week 10

  • Pre-Session Work: Please read Chapter 10: Sharing Mixed Emotions. Do the Self-Assessment Quiz.
  • Grounding and Check in: How have you been these past two weeks?
  • Peer Support: 5-min speaking, 2-min reflection from listener, 1-min transition -> SWAP, Describe a situation where you have a one part of you feeling strongly one way and another part of you feeling strongly another way.
  • BREAK
  • Group Share: Read aloud a sentence you underlined/highlighted and share why it speaks to you.
  • Sharing Wins or Learning Opportunities: What is something that used to be a big bad trigger that feels different now? OR Share about a trigger you recently had that you might want to handle a bit differently in the future.
  • Post-work: See if you can journal about having mixed or conflicting emotions.

Week 11

  • Pre-Session Work: Please read Chapter 11: Embracing the Silence of Not Knowing. Do the Self-Assessment Quiz.
  • Grounding and Check in: How have you been these past two weeks?
  • Peer Support: Just sit together to talk about how you feel about sitting together. Be aware of how you feel about the silence. Describe your feeling. Reflect what you are hearing and respond based on what is coming up for you.
  • BREAK
  • Group Share: Read aloud a sentence you underlined/highlighted and share why it speaks to you.
  • Sharing Wins or Learning Opportunities: What is something that used to be a big bad trigger that feels different now? OR Share about a trigger you recently had that you might want to handle a bit differently in the future.
  • Post-work: See if you can journal about things that you care a lot of about but realize that you may not have a lot of control over others or the circumstances.

Week 12

  • Pre-Session Work: Please read Chapter 12: Serenity, Presence and Compassion.
  • Grounding and Check in: How have you been these past two weeks?
  • Peer Support: Talk about the journey. How is this moment different from 24 weeks ago?
  • BREAK
  • Group Share: Share what your partner shared with you. Can you see wins to celebrate?
  • Group Discussion: What is your biggest takeaway? How will you continue your journey?
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