For Self Starters

To start you off on your healing journey from Complex Trauma, it helps to do a bit of reading to learn from others.

Starter books provide you a lot of basic understanding and research about complex trauma, providing hope that it is fixable. What has been particularly inspirational is to see is someone’s story interwoven with complex trauma: the causes, the despair, the hope, and the healing.

Here are some resources I think you can find helpful in your journey.

Starter Books about Complex Trauma

Stories of Complex Trauma by Asian Women

Modalities That Worked for Me

Find a Group of Likeminded People

Something that is absolutely key to healing from complex trauma is finding a group of likeminded people where it is psychologically safe to be you, make mistakes, and experiment with your communication style. Ultimately this means that you surround yourself with a Team You that encourages you to be authentically you, flawed and all, mistakes and all, emotions and all.

For me, it meant:

  • Relearning how to relate to people. I joined a Facebook group focused on healing from complex trauma. Here, I overcame my debilitating fear of expressing myself. Here, I learned to work in a pseudo work environment with bosses and colleagues who supported me.
  • Relearning how to speak in public. I participate in my local Toastmaster’s Club and learned how to take constructive feedback while blabbing about a topic in an impromptu manner. Here I learned how to give and take constructive feedback as well as praise and support. Here I learned new ways to feel about mistakes and new ways to recover from them.
  • Relearning how to accept help. I work with therapists and coaches. I learned to let go of my need to constantly be right. Instead, I learned to make mistakes, be OKAY with that, learn from it, and move on. I learned how to feel my emotions without the added layers of shame, blame, and guilt.
  • Relearning how to do something as a complete beginner. I am an amateur podcaster. I identify people who fascinate me and ask them to guest on my Sandwich Parenting Podcast. I have no idea what I’m doing, but this work is about learning, growing, and meeting incredibly amazing people doing incredibly amazing work that makes the world a better place. Many of my guests have become good friends.
  • Relearning how to collaborate with others doing meaningful work, near and dear to my heart . I partner with Chapter Zero, an organization dedicated to advocating for Respectful Parenting in Singapore. We now run trauma-informed group coaching programs in support of stressed out parents who are finding it difficult to manage their triggers. Here, I am relearning how to build on the strengths of a team without my trauma self shaming me for someone else’s superpower.

Practice the LAYERS Approach

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